Best Used By...Yesterday! (Oldies Are Goodies? Aka Programming for the young and misinformed)

I'm stunned! Perplexed! Surprised?

After a short chat with yet another young person in my family I've discovered that it's not one errant child with a mental hang up as I first suspected but rather a conspiracy invented by some mad, awful, lunatic devised to drive parents up the wall (and burn holes in their pocketbooks).

It seems that somewhere (I do have my suspicions on where this stems from) these kids have been (mis)informed as 'scientific fact' (isn't about everything with kids today, [when quoted to parents anyway] so called 'scientific fact' as proven by some study [or so they claim] or another)

[*insert note here: to read and understand my posts and realize the thought flow, or lack thereof... the meanderings of my mind and how/why it oft times gets derailed... you must understand the -sort of
mathmatical - use of paranthesis and brackets. Ok so I have CFS and my brain mal functions. So what! LOL *END NOTE]

that those cryptic numbers stamped or printed on various food substances coming from the local grocers are not just 'best used by' dates but rather "if you dare to eat this on the date shown or
after, you will undoubtably, absolutely, tragically turn into a very, very ill, (maybe die) sick, squirming, queasy, gagging, gasping, quivery, green blob! Don't you dare let your parents tell you otherwise! They just want you to be sick. YOU, dear teenager are entitled to the very best HEALTHY foods (according to the gospel of hmmm... who would be promoting
this idea anyway???) they can buy--- and you can demand the rest be tossed aside... or better yet make THEM eat it.

Now on the surface this may just seem like some typically youthful "mom and dad don't know anything" rebellion thing. However, I suspect that it goes much deeper than that. Somehow I think that some unkind, plotting group with an agenda came up with this scheme after brainstorming into the wee hours of the morning one night trying to think up something so subtle, so devious that no one would ever connect the dots back to them and what their agenda really is.

Heaven help us all!

(and pray for the family and guard the milk!)

P.S. If you've come acorss this in your kids or some kid you know please comment. I want to know. If you haven't, ask them.

2 Thumbs Down - IsoToners Like Walking On Water

Things that make you crazy ...

Today a patient contacted me sounding a bit crazed. It seems she was cleaning under the bed in her ward and found a sack containing slippers, IsoToner Slippers to be exact, that she'd been given as a gift last year. There they were still in the bag, price tag still in tack as well as that little plastic bit that holds the two slippers together in the store. You know that plastic bit that you have trouble removing when you get home and end up either chipping your teeth or handling sharp shiny object?

She said she'd stuck them there because they had that super cushy one inch foam bottom which caused her to walk like a drunken sailor given her problem ankles---and then forgotten they were there until today. She figured she would re-gift them to someone else ...

But --- Pulling the bag open to peer at the contents inside small black chips fell out, and then more strange rubberish pieces. She saw the fuzzy blue material and remembered she'd gotten the blue slippers but what were these chip string things falling upon her bed? This is when she discovered that the price tag was still attacked as was that annoying plastic bit holding the right and left together. Brand new, never worn, hardly ever out of a bag.

Turning them over more black bits fell off, and then more. They were disintragrating right before her eyes! They black bits weren't moving. They weren't bugs. She jumped off the bed to peer at the darkness beneath to see what mystery lies there. She found no mice, no rats nor any other kind of vermin. Nothing unearthly either.

It was at this point the parts between her ears began to smolder a bit. It was the slippers! They were self destructing right in her hands. No longer returnable and no longer worthy of giving to some other birthday girl. True blue disposable. This was indeed evidence that modern products are made to self destruct.

Slowly truth enveloped her mind. She sat back down on the bed and slowly cocked her foot to one side. The IsoToner slippers she was wearing were a different style, no foamy bottom but the same rubberish looking supposably waterproof soul--- but they had large gapping sections of rubber. She looked at the other foot and found the same thing. Then she knew the truth. The cold wet feeling she'd had on her feet when walking out on the porch after the big rain last week was indeed wetness!

Some times you are walking on water--- She wasn't that crazy after all.

After promising her that I'd tell her story here she agreed to go write a nasty gram to the IsoToner people and demand they come clean about their product. Like everything else they're probably MADE IN CHINA.

Sincerely,
Dr. W

PS. IsoToner Vent Therapy will be held on thursday this week in the therapy room.